Author or writer?

I have so many books for sale on Amazon.com... and few sales... for now it makes me wonder if my word is not reaching the public/marketing... or not reaching the public/concept... Elezabeth Cameron Cyr... writer or author?  Do I write to satisfy myself or personal reasons, or to reach out.  Ummm both. Will I take the Vangogh route... never to realize my value? Is my value overrated... really... everyone that writes think their stuff is great... even if they tuck it away on a shelf.  No, that can't be it. What takes a person from writer to author? Not a name, not a product, not publishing... it is the drive, the desire to put to paper words you want to live forever... thoughts you think need to validated, if only to yourself... it is anything but busywork.  Life has currently taken that drive from me... to which I am always afraid that one day it will be gone... forever.  But its vacancy leaves a space to fill with my art... and Rodeo is next week... time for only a break from wordage. For I know in my soul I am an Author, just my stuff doesn't seem to sell.........…yet.

Finding who I am... in my soul...

I  often volunteer for things... my long history with the city of Tucson, and Pima County, habitat, my  synagogue, Lizzy...well the list is really long.   I may not be able to throw money at projects near and dear to my heart and soul, but I have often given something money can't buy, my time and effort.   SO now the table has changed... it is unusual for someone to actually ask my opinion, although all that know me, know I am free with it. But now coming to me to find other unique characters and people with extraordinary abilities... brings me back full circle with my earliest life.  When as a child being with my dad as he worked the FREAK show at the midway at the Great State Fair of Texas... I often met unique people, Mary, Sealo, Dolly, Prince, and so many others... that taught me the best lesson of my life, and one I have always been able to hold on to... no matter what... we are all unique... and prized and valuable because of it.  Being a fortuneteller/street performer I join the ranks of those  that those of general persuasion look away from or ignore. Their loss by the way. I now in the past 3 years have again united with people like me... the unsuited, the loud, the outrageous. I am unique and I am proud of it.   You too are unique... maybe not as weird as me... but just a valuable. Look in the mirror and find the strength you need in your uniqueness ... it is not a weakness.

Snow Snow Snow

So it is supposed to snow... it's TUCSON... while everyone else, in Vail and Oro Valley finds the fluffy white stuff, my front yard is wet... but not a single snowflake dares to show its point little face. I rush out on the hour to check for the one snowflake daring to try and land... to no avail.  I peek out the window thinking this time.... But the only thing I see is my breath fogging up the window. I sneak back to the warmth of winter fuzzy blankets and wait...  As much as I hate being cold the rarity of a snowflake excites me... 2 days hence it will be 70... time to pull on my shoes and check again..........

Sometimes your life is more than irritating and less than attractive... and yet unless you die... you have to find a way through the maze of craziness, pain, heartbreak and fear...   But for that you have friends... unlike the family you are born into, the family you create  can bring you comfort in the darkest of times.  They know you... they care... and do so willingly.  We can travel the road of life in search of our destiny, or in spite of it...and through free will find things truly important, and that make even the darkest night bright with opportunities.   As I look again down a dark corridor uncertain of its outcome... in fear I will once again reach out to my friends... and trust they will catch me again when I fall backwards into the abyss.